this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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