she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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