I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
