I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
