a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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