Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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