I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
