I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
