he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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