new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
