come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
