He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
