I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
