Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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