I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
