The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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