then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
