i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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