This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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