just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
