you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
