So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
