you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
