i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
