Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
