About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
