he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize