If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
