mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
