Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
