I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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