so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
