im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
