Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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