Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
