i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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