Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
