capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
