you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
