I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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