You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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