If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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