I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
