I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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