I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
