so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
