By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
