a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize