Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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