Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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