I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
