Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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