If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
