That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
