in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
