that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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