I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
