u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
