Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
