I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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