She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
