well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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