Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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