the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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