I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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