if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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