Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize