I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize