I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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