She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
