I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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