Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
