My hand turned me down
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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