The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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