My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
