just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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