I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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