She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Congratulations! We have a period
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
