He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
