I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize