We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
