I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize