We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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