Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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